The Moment I Picked Up My iPad

anartistslament
3 days ago
2 min read

Stroke Series — Part 3

The day after being admitted to the hospital, my husband brought me something from home.

My iPad.

He had offered it when he first got to see me, but I was still in the observation bay. I declined. I didn’t want to get it out in a room full of people while nurses were constantly coming and going. I also wasn’t sure how I felt about trying to use it yet.

When we were finally moved into a semi-private hospital room, he offered it again. I placed it on the bed and said, “Not right now.”

I felt a little like a kid putting off homework.

The next day was Valentine’s Day.

Doug had stepped out to get some coffee and something to eat. For the first time since arriving at the hospital, I was alone in the room.

I picked up the iPad.

I opened Procreate and sat there looking at the screen for a moment.

Okay, I thought. Let’s see how this goes.

The first thing I needed to do was create a new canvas. Normally, that would be automatic, something I could do without thinking. But suddenly I wasn’t completely sure I remembered how.

My first attempt created a canvas using the wrong color profile — P3. I never work in that profile. I always use sRGB or CMYK.

So I deleted it and tried again.

This time, I created the canvas correctly.

Wooo hoo!!!

I remembered how to do it.

Then I had to decide what to draw.

“Well,” I thought, “it’s Valentine’s Day, and you’re in a hospital.”

So I began sketching medical objects with heart shapes — a stethoscope curled into a heart, a syringe, a heart monitor line with small hearts in the rhythm, a thermometer with a heart-shaped power button, a heart-shaped syringe, and a bandage decorated with hearts.

I used a 6B brush so everything would look like pencil sketches.

Later that day, friends came to visit. One of them brought me a small stuffed animal to keep me company.

After they left, I started another drawing.

I titled it Silent Companion 3.

A black and white sketch of a smiling plush dog sits in front of two plastic bottles. The background is a light, textured surface. — Silent Companion 3

This was actually the third drawing I’ve created with that title. The first two were made while I sat beside my mother during her final days in hospice.

I also began a sketch of my youngest grandson holding his Tigger.

A pencil sketch of a child hugging a stuffed toy, gazing thoughtfully. The background is textured white. Mood is calm and tender. — My youngest grandson.

Both drawings were done in the same pencil style — something very familiar to me. I’ve been drawing with pencil and paper since junior high. It felt like the safest place to start.

My thinking was simple.

If I could still do this, then I could probably still do everything else.

And in that quiet hospital room, I realized something important.

The stroke had slowed me down.

But it hadn’t taken away the part of me that creates.

Next: The First Weeks Home.